First, I must say I am quite disappointed with myself in the total and utter lacking of my blog posts as of late. Life… it indeed gets in the way. But, ladies and gentlemen, I have returned and am promising myself to get back into a somewhat normal schedule. Normal for me, anyway
Today is such an appropriate day to write my next Lisa’s Liberation post. As this week was truly one of the more trying weeks of my recent existence. Life constantly throws conflict and change into the wind. Testing us. And I think that sometimes if we deal with these lessons too well, life decides to turn up the heat a little. Make things a little more stressful and a little more difficult.
The snowball effect.
My week began with only a small amount of turmoil, and although a tiny thorn in my side, it was indeed nothing that I wasn’t well-equipped to handle; I do pride myself in being a very patient and grounded individual, after all. However, even I have my limits. It seemed that with each conflict that arouse and was then consequently resolved, two and three would then pop up around me. By the time mid-week came, I felt it happening: the dark doors to my soul were opening, a fire was starting, and all hope for rational thought was lost.
Shaking hands with the devil.
I personally do believe in the devil and in hell. But not the way many do. I believe the devil lives inside each of us. And life… it is both heaven and hell. I lost my grip on reality and grabbed my own personal devil’s hand. And walked with him. This week, I let all those wonderful barriers I built crumble. And a dark fog of despair washed over me. The thoughts and contemplations that then subsequently occurred were not very good ones. For the first time in years, I felt as though there really was no purpose. I was starting that shuffle again. Walking around in a haze. Confused. Lost. Questioning everything and anything.
All this heaviness had me stepping back, no, actually, sprinting, backward. Away from my life. I was, once again, afraid. And honestly didn’t know how I could even survive another day. The sun was out, but I saw only darkness ahead. I wanted out. And quickly.
But in the midst of my dramatic spiral downward, something happened. For once, I listened to that inner voice. She was still there. Screaming. And I finally took a moment to listen. To ponder. And to reassemble myself.
After hours and hours of fruitful meditation, I walked away with a smile on my face. This week, life tested me. And on many fronts I more than succeeded. While on others, it would seemingly appear that I failed. I let a part of my past bubble up inside of me. I let insecurity once again become my best friend. And I grasped at that darkness I had trained myself to let go of. That was my failure.
But with every failure comes a lesson, and, ultimately, triumph. I may have failed in not regaining my focus sooner, but the fact that I pushed away that fog of funk and found the sun again is my greatest success. This difficult week afforded me the opportunity to truly cherish all that is wonderful in my life. This week’s lessons reminded me that while I may be a small inhabitant of this thing called life, I am anything but insignificant. And that it is guaranteed that these hurdles will continue to creep up. And I will continue to stumble. But as long as I stumble forward, I am moving in the right direction. It doesn’t matter what path we take or how we venture upon it. It is the ultimate destination that matters. And that ultimate destination is happiness.
Until next time, Happy Living!