First, I must say I am quite disappointed with myself in the total and utter lacking of my blog posts as of late. Life… it indeed gets in the way. But, ladies and gentlemen, I have returned and am promising myself to get back into a somewhat normal schedule. Normal for me, anyway 
Today is such an appropriate day to write my next Lisa’s Liberation post. As this week was truly one of the more trying weeks of my recent existence. Life constantly throws conflict and change into the wind. Testing us. And I think that sometimes if we deal with these lessons too well, life decides to turn up the heat a little. Make things a little more stressful and a little more difficult.
The snowball effect.
My week began with only a small amount of turmoil, and although a tiny thorn in my side, it was indeed nothing that I wasn’t well-equipped to handle; I do pride myself in being a very patient and grounded individual, after all. However, even I have my limits. It seemed that with each conflict that arouse and was then consequently resolved, two and three would then pop up around me. By the time mid-week came, I felt it happening: the dark doors to my soul were opening, a fire was starting, and all hope for rational thought was lost.
Shaking hands with the devil.
I personally do believe in the devil and in hell. But not the way many do. I believe the devil lives inside each of us. And life… it is both heaven and hell. I lost my grip on reality and grabbed my own personal devil’s hand. And walked with him. This week, I let all those wonderful barriers I built crumble. And a dark fog of despair washed over me. The thoughts and contemplations that then subsequently occurred were not very good ones. For the first time in years, I felt as though there really was no purpose. I was starting that shuffle again. Walking around in a haze. Confused. Lost. Questioning everything and anything.
Moving backwards.
All this heaviness had me stepping back, no, actually, sprinting, backward. Away from my life. I was, once again, afraid. And honestly didn’t know how I could even survive another day. The sun was out, but I saw only darkness ahead. I wanted out. And quickly.
But in the midst of my dramatic spiral downward, something happened. For once, I listened to that inner voice. She was still there. Screaming. And I finally took a moment to listen. To ponder. And to reassemble myself.
After hours and hours of fruitful meditation, I walked away with a smile on my face. This week, life tested me. And on many fronts I more than succeeded. While on others, it would seemingly appear that I failed. I let a part of my past bubble up inside of me. I let insecurity once again become my best friend. And I grasped at that darkness I had trained myself to let go of. That was my failure.
But with every failure comes a lesson, and, ultimately, triumph. I may have failed in not regaining my focus sooner, but the fact that I pushed away that fog of funk and found the sun again is my greatest success. This difficult week afforded me the opportunity to truly cherish all that is wonderful in my life. This week’s lessons reminded me that while I may be a small inhabitant of this thing called life, I am anything but insignificant. And that it is guaranteed that these hurdles will continue to creep up. And I will continue to stumble. But as long as I stumble forward, I am moving in the right direction. It doesn’t matter what path we take or how we venture upon it. It is the ultimate destination that matters. And that ultimate destination is happiness.
Until next time, Happy Living!
Glad to hear you made it through the darkness. There’s a lot of that going around just now, which can make the darkness hard to resist. Congratulations!
TX
Thank you!! There is indeed a lot of darkness out there
)
honey chil’, the last thing you are is insignificant. But being prone to exactly this kind of mental spiral, I’m in no position to preach. I’m just glad you found some peace with the present and a promising road map.
Thanks for stopping by darlin and for all your support. It was a tough week, but Lisa’s back to her normal (and somewhat crazy) self
))
“It is the ultimate destination that matters. And that ultimate destination is happiness.”
Very well-said. Glad you came through this (mostly) unscathed and with a better knowledge of yourself and your own strength.
Thanks Tom! It is funny how we can see ourselves as weak, but then when we take the time to reflect upon all the life events we have endured and survived…. we see just how strong we are
Amazing. Thanks for reading!!!
So awesome that you alone stopped the spiral. I know the spiral and I also know the empowering feeling of seizing hold of the reigns. Good on you.
Thank you! You know what amazes me about the spiral? The fact that in one instance everything can be okay and balanced, and then without warning the floor drops from beneath you and you find yourself seeking answers to questions you thought you’d already contemplated! Life. Can. Be. Amazing. (ly difficult) at times
Welcome back to your liberation, hon.
xoxo
eden
Thank you, Eden! Mwah!
Ha! I thought I saw you there…in the distance as I stumbled on my own road. Dark and hazy as it was I knew we would both see the other side. Welcome back.
LOL Thank you for the laugh
)) And for reading! And for your friendship!!!!
Hi, Lisa. Perhaps there is a lot of that going around at the moment. Life has been very tough for me lately as well. Rather than get into all of the gory details, let’s just hold each other up with positive thoughts, prayers and well-wishes for the upcoming week and beyond. *waves*
-Jimmy
Jimmy, hugs to you, honey. I am SO sorry to hear that life has been tough for you too. Hopefully, soon enough, you may look back on these trying moments and smile knowing that you made it through and learned so much. You. Me. All of us. Are amazing and special. And I agree. We need to remind each other of those things often.
Cheers and well wishes to you, friend
I had this very experience just yesterday after I received a letter in the mail that I had been dreading receiving. The floor dropped out from under me and I fell into a familiar spiral of dark depression which still clings to me right now as I write this – or maybe I am clinging to it – I don’t know.
I’ve begun asking myself the question of whether there is an absurd comfort in my depression, whether by succumbing to it, I can avoid the outside world and people in particular. But then the darker thoughts come and I know it is a place where I don’t want to be.
Somehow, I’ll prevail but right now these feelings truly do suck the big one.
awww hugs. “whether there is an absurd comfort in my depression.” Yes, this right here speaks volumes. I’ve been there myself. Sometimes I think the deeper we are emotionally and the more creative, the harder life can be to endure. We see (and therefore experience) life so very differently (and often more passionately) than others. But. One thing I’ve learned to remember when I’m floating in that dark fog, is that I’m not floating alone. And that thought somehow truly comforts me. Know that I’m grabbing your hand and holding it. Walking along side of you in this dark journey called life. You will prevail. I know this. And you will prevail a stronger, wiser, and infinitely more special man than you even realize.
Thanks for sharing and for reading, Dean. Always a pleasure to have you stop by
Hey there, first time reader and responder here… Not a “first responder,” like the type who would help flood victims, buy rather the type who responds for the first time to something. Maybe I should have just said “first time reader and first time responder,” but that is so cumbersome.
I digress.
Admittedly, I may be speaking from ignorance since this is my first time visiting your site, but I think one of the greatest skills possessed by the human psyche is the ability to adapt to (and even embrace) “the grind.” We can only do so much to further our physical progress, but mentally, we have incredible contro ignite faculties and are able to reserve our fortunes often by simply adjusting our outlooks to the world.
There are those “good” days that I could watch an entire neighborhood of innocent people become engulfed and sucked away by a giant alien spaceship and I feel it would have less of an effect on me than when, on a bad day, I smash my big toe into the kitchen table. Our lives are stories, and every good story is filled with twists, turns, tragedies and triumphs. Be your own narrator, formulate your own tone, and pass along the recollection of your own life that you feel most people would want to read.
Take care, and happy living to you, as well.
-A.M.
http://amschultz.com