I can tell you I’ve discovered a lot about myself and life over these past few years. When I closed the chapter to the dark part of my life and entered into this new phase, I was scared, of course, at first. But then I began to feel like a kid again. You remember the time in your life when you thought you could be anything? Where you wanted to be anything?
That’s what I felt like.
The world, as they say, was my oyster. And I could finally make myself a pearl. But even with this realization, and even after I told myself this decade of my life would be filled with no excuses, still, I continued to deny myself what I’ve wanted since I was a child.
The mind has always fascinated me. It’s why my undergraduate degree was in psychology. Why, even though I am not a psychologist, I have, over the entire course of my life, read every psychology article I came across and delved into books that dealt with the mind.
When I was a child I wanted to be, yes, a myriad of different things. But as I got a little older, got in my teens, all I wanted to do was be a psychologist. And my intentions after my undergrad was to continue on, but, like so many of us, life got in the way.
But now. In this new phase. With endless possibilities, guess what I did?
I continued to deny myself my own dream. Why? Am I scared to change my story? I mean, I already changed so much of my life, why not this? Am I so used to complaining about the tragedies in my life, that, even with all this new-found happiness, I continue to cling onto a darkness that has comforted me through most of my life? Is it easier to make excuses than to put my big girl panties on and do the hard work it takes to reach my dreams?
I don’t know.
But I finally snapped myself out of this denial. This refusal to seek what it is that I want in this life. Yes, a part of me is scared. Change is a scary thing. I know there is a level of comfort in continuing on in my life, my current job – the job that’s been my safe place, that one place where I was never a failure – than to take a leap and believe in myself and my dreams. But, luckily, I can tell you this part of me didn’t win. Not this time. The new evolved Lisa has learned to heed the advice she gives so easily and willingly to others. I’ve decided to reach for my own stars. And take a chance in this life. Take a chance in Lisa.
And so, I am working toward my Master’s and Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. I know it’s gonna be a hard road. A long one. A tiring one. And knowing that one day in a few years, when I need to say goodbye to the career that has been with me through everything, it will be hard to close that door. To say goodbye. But I also know how exciting stepping over the threshold of my future will be.
Afterall, I’ve stepped over quite a few thresholds these past few years. And where has it lead me? Nowhere but happiness. Sure not everything works out the way we sometimes see it, but I can tell you there is little else in this life that will give you the joy that believing in yourself does.
And I think it’s easy for us to get caught up in our lives sometimes. Our jobs. Our families. Our hobbies. Our friends. It’s easier to make excuses than to take action. Because changing things doesn’t always end the way we want it to. But, what we have to remember is that never taking chances definitely means nothing will ever change. And that’s just not living.
Endless possibilities await us if we just believe. And support each other. Making changes doesn’t mean we have to give up on the other areas of our life. It just means we have to find that happy balance between necessary responsibility and those youthful dreams that we so often forget about.
We’re never too old to make a difference. We’re never too busy to add something else to our schedule. It’s time, ladies and gentlemen, we start believing, and, therefore, start living.
Until next time, Happy Living (and Dreaming)!